Wednesday 28 December 2011

Happy New year!

Phew. The season to be jolly is almost over and a new year is about to spring upon us. This Christmas was a messy one. Cheeky Essex boy Jamie Oilver advised us all to shred our spouts and fry them to make a nice change on Christmas Day. The preparation I did, sober shredding in the MagiMix. Cooking them however, several hours later, wasn't as easy as he made it seem. With Vodka and Cranberry goggles blinding me, I am not sure how many shredded spouts made it onto plates. All I do know is that almost 5 days later, I am finding shredded sprouts everywhere. In cupboards, on light fittings, stuck on walls, in my hair - one shred even turned up in the kettle. I am guessing that I was a little too energetic with my stirring of the shredded sprouts. Next year the spouts will be served whole and boiled for hours.

I wish everyone a very happy new year from the kitchen sink. If you are struggling to come up with some New Year's Resolutions, maybe you'll get some ideas from mine. 








No More Knitted Food in 2012








Having joined WeightWatchers in November, in 2012 I shall try my best to remember the mantra that we are taught each week. It is meant to be simple for people like me to keep in mind. Our leader says it each week "MOVE MORE, EAT LESS".  But over Christmas, I got lost in the confusion of wrapping paper, Quality Street, Vodka home brew and Cadbury's chocolate fingers. Try as I might, I couldn't remember the mantra and got it all wrong during the festive season with 

"DRINK MORE MOVE LESS"
"EAT MORE DRINK LESS"
"DRINK LESS DRINK MORE"
"EAT MORE DRINK MORE"
"EAT MORE MOVE LESS"

My wish for 2012 is that the leader of out local branch of WeightWatchers doesn't bring out the tray of knitted cakes again like she did back in November. She offered us knitted black forest gateau, knitted cup cake, knitted Battenburg slice with the cheery "Not one calorie in any of them, tuck in". There again I might just attempt to knit a full Sunday Roast in 2012 and bring it in to her. Maybe she'll fix the scales as a thank you.







I'll remember that Frankie said.....RELAX


I will not be crying over spilt milk or spilt tea, coffee or juice (though I might shed a tear over a glass of Rum and Coke). I shall not cry when on a daily basis, every pair of scissors in the house goes missing, along with every pen and both sets of car keys.  I shall not turn to drink or drugs when I forget a birthday, eye test or parent teacher meeting. Instead music shall be my salvation. In 2012, I am going to dig out every CD I have had in a cupboard since the Eighties and them ready to play when things are going pear shaped. The 'Pear Shaped Project' has started already and the play list so far includes Dee-Lite, Primal Scream, The Smiths, The Cure and Prince (Sign Of The Times). LET THE STRESS BEGIN, the Cd's are stacked up. and this year I am ready to be transported back to a time when all I had to care about was hair gel and a pair of white stilettos. 





I'll be ringing my bell


My next New Year's resolution is to go out and buy myself a bicycle bell like this clever Japanese man demonstrates here. If only I had know about this before now. It would make walking through airports, train stations, chatty mums at the school gate, football crowds (not to mention the first day of the sales) so much easier. 





In 2012, I've Got to be starting something....?

Last year, I managed to persuade three parking attendants and one guard not to give me a parking ticket or fine. This happened simply because I turned 41 and since doing so, looking confused, lost and mildly panicked has never been easier or more convincing to strangers. It is my permanent look. Is this what it feels like to be middle aged? If so, bring it on, it does have advantages. People in authority have stopped taking me seriously. In 2012 I might attempt to form a political party, start a riot, create a religion/cult or even start robbing banks. I really believe that I can get away with anything now that I have the face for it.








I must not be a fire starter, a crazy fire starter...





Last Christmas, my husband gave me a gas operated fire lighter. I  accidentally set fire to myself four times in 2011 which is good going believe you me. I am not an arsonist, just a bit clumsy. I cant seem to walk past a candle without it setting fire to a scarf I might be wearing or a tea towel I may be holding.  On Christmas day this year, I somehow managed to blow up the gas operated lighter as I cooked the sprouts. What the lighter was doing right next to the gas ring I don't know but the explosion was huge. Ironically, I gave him a fire extinguisher in the same year. So far, I have not used it. I shall start 2012 by checking all the smoke alarm batteries in the house and inventing a tea towel that doubles up as a fire blanket.




OH! I Will Look After My Teeth...



I haven't a full set of 32 teeth, after several extractions (including wisdom teeth) I am down to 26. The worse case scenario is that I lose one a year from now on, meaning I'll have none at 68. Since I had the good fortune not to have any removed last year, I am delighted to be ahead of myself. My fifth wish for 2012 is that I, and all those near and dear to me, have no dental extractions.



'Vintage' food will be on the menu






My Uncle Richard made it his goal in 2011 to eat the entire contents of his larder. He set about the task after the death of his beloved wife, Joan, in 2010. Over forty years, they had amassed a huge amount of food in cupboards, "For emergencies".  The oldest can that he consumed without incident had a sell by date of 1995. "The only thing that defeated me was a rusty can of tripe with no sell by date at all" he told me. Inspired, in 2012, I shall do the same and get creative with the 'emergency food mountain' in my cupboards. I shall start with the sardines, chili kidney beans, packets of jelly and dusty jars of Ragu before moving onto the chick peas, processed peas, black eye peas and mushy peas. I am sure if I grate enough cheese over it all the kids won't notice a thing. 




I'll climb every mountain



Since the new safety ladder fell from the attic and broke my toe back in November rendering me temporarily immobile, I have an urge to use my feet again, as much as I can in 2012. I have the urge to climb something. I am not sure what but it has to be bigger than a pile of ironing and more interesting than stairs. Maybe a wall? The Hill of Allen in Kildare isn't big enough.  Croke Patrick on the West coast might be good though do you really have to do it in bare feet?  Kilimanjaro is a bit too far away and involves flying and injections.  Suggestions welcome. 











and finally, I shall welcome visitors

In 2011, we had visitors. "Queen Barrack O'Lama" (the words of my eight year old daughter) came by.  Yes, Queen Elizabeth II, Barrack Obama and the Dalai Lama all chose to drive through, stop off or fly over County Kildare. Speed bumps were removed, everything that didn't move was power-hosed and the Curragh Plains were alive with secret service people hiding in furze bushes.  I am hoping that more people might visit the county in 2012. My top three dream guests would be "Prince Bear Leonard" (that is, Prince, Bear Grylls and Leonard Cohen). I am hoping that they'll all come at the same time, in a limo, and stop at mine for a fry up (knitted of course). 





HAPPY NEW YEAR FROM KILDARE!


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