The Top Ten Songs That Make Teenagers Cringe

As I went into my teenagers cave a few months ago, she jumped out of bed, went straight to her Ipod, flicked through the music and put on Jedward singing 'Ghostbusters' as loud as she could through the speakers. I covered my ears and ran out. 

Over the weeks, she did this more and more. Every time she played 'Ghostbusters' by Jedward, my reaction would be the same. I'd cover my ears, moan about noise pollution, turn and run out of the room, forgetting why I had gone there in the first place. 

She only plays 'GHOSTBUSTERS' when I enter her bedroom/cave. The rest of the time she lays in her bed with a pillow on her head, listening to Britney Spears through her headphones. 

Then it occurred to me. My teenager has managed to train me, like one of Pavlov's Dog. Of course I don't salivate when I hear a bell, instead I cover my ears and run our of her room whenever I hear Jedward singing 'Ghostbusters'. 

The child is a GENIUS.

Inspired by her ability to train me, like a dog, I decided to see if I could do the same. Could I train her to leave a room when a certain type of song comes on?

After four weeks of experimentation, I have come up with the top ten songs that work. Songs guaranteed to clear a room of teenagers, to make them walk out, covering their ears. Of course these ten should not played all day long. That would be considered to be abusive behaviour and could cause serious psychological damage. Instead, save these songs for special occasions.

The ten songs listed here have been tried and tested on my own teenager and will come in very useful if you need to clear a bedroom, a car, or a kitchen in a hurry. Believe me they work.

The songs should be played as loud as possible and where appropriate, you should sing along. For maximum effect, dancing is a must.


DISCLAIMER: no small children or teenagers were hurt during this experiment

Songs That Will Make Teenagers Cringe

(listed here in reverse order):

10. "I've Never Been To Me", a one hit wonder by Charlene (tip, sing into a ladle)

9. "No Charge", Tammy Wynette. Sob into a super absorbent square of kitchen roll. She will think you're having a breakdown.

8. "Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Old Oak Tree" sung here by Roger Moore. Close you eyes, sway and sing along with 007. 

7. "I've Got A Brand New Combine Harvester" by The Wurzels. Dance like a cider drinker in front of your teenager (Preferably wearing wellies and holding something agricultural). 

6. "What an Atmostphere" by Russ Abbot.  This is perfect for those days where you teenager has lost the power of speech. If you have had a day of teenage 'grunting' and eye rolling, put this on.  

5. "The World Is Like A Great Big Onion" By Marvin Gaye. Time for a bit of 'Music and Meaning'. Very handy if you are in the kitchen and have an onion to hand. You can peel the layers off in front of your teenager, illustrating the deep meaning hidden within these lyrics. 

4. "Save Your Love" Renee and Renata. Try and get your teenager to take the part of Renatta. If she refuses,  play both parts yourself, maybe use wigs to enhance your performance.

3. "I Will Always Love You" Dolly Parton. Best sung whilst wandering around the house, like Dolly does so beautifully here. Use a wooden spoon as a microphone and use it to point at your teenager during the chorus. 

2. "All Kinds Of Everything" By Dana. I tried this over breakfast this morning. All four children left the table before she had even got to the chorus. 

Here is the NUMBER ONE song. The song that above all else, will make your teenager cringe...........

1. "Loving You" by Minnie Ripperton. It may be the birds at the beginning or the screaming half way through. either way, a classic. (Warning: if played continuously on 'repeat', you may not see your teenager for days).